Jeff Aaron's Taglines

... if it weren't for computer programming, I could never PASCALculus...
... Pizza Hut for Windows:  ooey GUI good...
... Ro Laren vs. Locutus in a tennis match:  Bajoran/Borg...
... the new African-American UNIX interface:  Malcolm X-Windows...
!retupmoc siht edisni deppart ma I  !pleH
"And so I thought to myself..."  but who else can you think to?
"Don't you get it, Picard?  The trial never ends..."  - Q
"Everybody dance now!" "Here We Go Let's Rock n Roll!" - C + C Music Factory
"Freedom's a state of mind - pure creativity - even in captivity"
"Half-naked people:"  50% off!
"Ho, ho, ho, little boy!"  "Ah, so's your mother."
"How about Chinese tonight, Seymour?"  - Audrey II
"I bought a cordless extension cord."  - Stephen Wright
"I bought powdered water, but I didn't know what to add." - Stephen Wright
"I love how all girls a move dem body!" - Reel 2 Real
"I've Got The Power" - Snap
"If you prick me, do I not...  Leak?" -- Data
"James Brown is dead" - LA Style.  "LA Style is dead" - James Brown
"Kids want total control.  Hey, yo, leggo my eggo." - Q Unique
"Let's not make the same mistake once."  - Jean-Luc Picard
"Look at me.  I'm a bailiff.  I stand."  - Bull Shannon
"Modem," said the gardener when he'd finished the lawn..
"My grandfather was a Small Claims Court Jester." - Stephen Wright
"NCC-1701.  No bloody A, B, C, or D."  - Captain Montgomery Scott
"Take my Worf... please!"  - Data [The Outrageous Okona]
"This only works for positive values of zero" - your math teacher
"Tomorrow's Saturday.  Make sure you take the day off." - Your Boss
"We made too many wrong mistakes" - Yogi Berra
"What to do when you win the Lottery" book:  costs $1.6 million
"You have found him...  Captain Picard."  - Ambassador Spock
* New Windows cleaner:  Windex 3.1
*YOU* nix.  *I'LL* MS-DOS.
2 wrongs don't make a right - but 3 lefts do!
43% of all statistics are totally worthless, including this one.
5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
82.6% of statistics are wrong.  This is one of them.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A picture is worth 1000 words?  PKZIP *.TXT ==> *.GIF
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
AAAAAAA - American Association Always Adamantly Against Acronym Abuse
Accountants and Lawyers:  you can't Balance the Books on the Scales of Justice!
Accounting:  a-one, a-two, a-three, a-four...
Ace of Base:  I SWEAR I didn't see the sign, officer!
After the Texas Chainsaw Massacre:  Rest In Pieces
Air:  God invented it, I vented it
Air Geordis - TNG footwear
All general statements are false.
All roads lead to Rome, except Yonge, Bloor, Dundas, Queen, King, Steeles...
Almost 50% of all percentage statistics are less than 50%...
Always remember that it's very important to plan ahead or you might run out of
AMIGA == A Machine I Give Away
Amy Fisher BANG!!!!!!!!!!!
Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
As easy as 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974...
Back Up My Hard Drive?  I don't have a license yet!
Backup not found.  (A)bort, (R)etry, (B)ribe - I take VISA
Bad command or file name, you idiot!
Be excellent to each other ... and ... Party On, Dudes!  - Abraham Lincoln
Bell Cellular:  All roads lead to ROAM!
Blackbored:  disinterested African-American.  White-out:  departing Caucasian.
Borg false alarm:  "Never Cry Wolf 359"
Borg spreadsheet program:  Locutus 1-2-3
BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding.
But how can you be SURE that you can never be sure of anything?
Call this number for illiteracy:  555-READ
Captain, I protest.  I am NOT a merry man! - Worf
Carleton University?  How about Uncle Phil college?  Vivian Collegiate? ...
Casino poker is to poker, as military intelligence is to intelligence.
Cats have 9 lives, but they die 8 times before they're born.
Chastity belt:  The Great Wall of Vagina
CHK the DSK yourself, for once!
Cigarettes are harmless.  The LIGHTERS, on the other hand, are a problem...
Circular Definition:  see Definition, Circular.
COBOL.....(C)rude (O)utdated (B)oring (O)bsolete (L)anguage
Computer Science is to Science as Accounting is to Counting
CONFIG.SYS:  when your female sibling is able to eat dried fruit
Configure it if you configure it out.
Confuse a computer:  0101 0001 0110 0100 0100 1101 0102... 2???!?!?!?!
Damn! I only have a 40 column displa
Deep Space 9:  To boldly stay in the same place as long as possible!
Didn't the license plate say "FRESH" *before* the cab came near?
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
Do you hate multiple choice questions?  (a) yes (b) no (c) maybe (d) ...
Do you have any maps that aren't arial views?
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't let school interfere with your education
Donald Duck programs in QuackBASIC!
DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"
DOS what I said, weren't you listening?
Down and out in Beverly Hillbillies Cop, 90210
Dying USUALLY isn't a good career move.  Of course, it was for Elvis...
Electric Borg:  Resistance is futile, voltage is futile, current is futile...
Ensign, set course at warp 9.99999999999999999999999999999999999, engage!
Ensign, try manual override.  "Sir, that trick NEVER works!"
Error 24: File Handle Broke Off!
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Error:  Keybored.  Please do something interesting.
Error/flaw/mistake/fault/failure:  Thesaurus not found, located, retrieved...
ERROR:  Unable to come up with a good tagline.
Everybody dies instantly.  It's the only way to die!
Exactopaleoneurohypophobia:  The fear of long words
Fair is foul, and foul is fair. - the umpire
Falling from the roof of a building won't kill you.  Landing will.
Famous last words:  what does this "self-destruct" button do?
Fer sell cheep:  taglyne spel chekker.  Wurks grate.
Fire protection:  that's asbestos it gets...
For more information on wasting InterNet resources, send Email to yourself.Ô
Get an Adlib?  Now THAT'S sound advice!
Hate just I sentences reading with out of words order the.
Hello, is this the party to whom I am e-mailing?
Hello, operator?  Give me the number for 911! - Rose Nylund
Help stamp out, abolish, and eliminate redundancy!
Hey, Homer, what should be put in the bread?    DOH!!!
Hey, what'll it be, mac?  Or IBM?  Or Amiga...
Hit any key to continue... F ... Not THAT one, stupid!
Hit any key to quit, or any other key to continue.
How come DOS never says "excellent command or file name"?
How do you convert a circuit to a calculus microchip?  INTEGRATE!!!
HYPERCARD == "Has Your Program Even Run?  Can't Always Read Docs!"
Hypotenoose:  a dangerous triangle
I DO NOT...I do not yell.  -- Worf
I got a new phone.  Plugged it in.  Pushed REDIAL.  It freaked out.
I hate this eternal revenue tax!  uh... that's INTERNAL revenue tax...
I have a photogenic memory.
I have three megs:  Meg Ryan, Meg Keller, Meg Johnston...
I need a derivative!  I'm a calcaholic!
I need a good screw!  Preferrably drywall, Philips.
I never eat between meals and snacks.
I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I object to sex on TV:  I keep falling off!
I prefer CITY-TV to Country Radio.
I spent hours trying to come up with the perfect tagline.  This isn't it.
I spent hours coming up with this tagline.  Could you tell?
I think, therefore I am paid.
I use GIF.E peanut butter.
I want to get a tattoo over my whole body of myself, but taller.
I was an only child.  Eventually.
I wear extra-medium clothes.
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
I would if I could but I can't so I won't.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!
I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous 
I'd walk miles to see your smiles... uh... kilometres to see your thermometers!
I'll be back in a GIF!
I'm gifted, but only on my birthday!
I'm having one of those decades.
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of falling from them.
I'm not a ghost!  I'm just dimensionally challenged.
I'm not fat, I'm just horizontally gifted.
I'm not lost!  I'm "locationally challenged."
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I'm not old.  I'm chronologically gifted.
I'm not short.  I'm vertically challenged.
I'm not ugly.  I'm just aesthetically challenged.
I'm saving my money for when they get Phaser Printers!
Ice cream bomb:  Napolean Blownapart!
ICONS == Inarguably, Computer's Obsolete!  No Salvageability
If you don't get this message, let me know right away!
If Q were castrated, would he become O?
If voting actually changed anything it'd be made illegal.
If you die, I'll kill you!
If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno!
If you read this tagline right to the very end you will most certainly die.
Illiterate?  Write for a free brochure!
Imaginary Numbers:  Eleventeen, Thirty-Twelve, Umpteen, Zillion...
Ink:  substance to apply before using liquid paper.  Liquid Paper:  see ink.
Invalid COMMAND.COM, System Disobeying
Is Tony the Tiger related to the ESSO Tiger?  Like maybe twins?
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
It's deja vu all over again.
Kodak/Lenscrafters of Bel Air:  Fresh Prints, in about an hour...
Last Will and Testament?  Oh, come on, that's a dead giveaway!
LOGO:  Language Old;  Gone Obsolete.
Luke Perry trapped in a burning building:  next on Rescue 90210.
MACINTOSH:  Macs Are Computers?  I Never Thought Of Such Hell!
Make like a shepherd and get the FLOCK out of here!
Math and alcohol don't mix.  Please don't drink and derive.
-- Press SPACE to continue, Q to quit --
Metaphors are similes.  Similes are like metaphors.
My latest screen saver:  Curtains for Windows!
Name: ___  Address: ___  Postal Code: ___  Age: ___  Sex:  [Y/N]
Need help to shorten phone number!  Call 1-800-345-7895-22345568-32357-53688
No, I DON'T watch "Nine Hoes Do One Hoe!"
No matter where you go, there you are.
No one takes you seriously?  That's ridiculous!
Okay, I'll give you my phone number.  911-8642
ORGASM.CUM not found.... should I fake it?  (Y/n)
Oxymorons... "military intelligence" and "technical support"!
Paint:  substance to apply before using paint remover.
People who are easily offended, really offend me.
People who live in glasses houses should've used plexiglass!
Peripheral visionary:  can see into the future, but only way off to the side.
Photographic memory:  pictures of 4MB SIMMS.
Picard:  To BALDLY go where no one has gone before...
PICARD:  I'm too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair...
Playboy channel?  Nah, I've got the holodeck channel!
Please tell me if you don't get this message.
Press enter for yes or return for no.
Programming contest:  Wheel Of FORTRAN
Programming is 90% debugging, the other half troubleshooting.
RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory    (it only SIMMS like that!)
Remember................. Wherever you go, there you are.
Say to the salesman:  Do you have anything I would like?
Sex is like riding a bicycle.  Pump up and down, harder, faster...
Shorter taglines are better?  No wonder mine aren't funny!  But then again, I
Short-term memory?  Why would you say I... uh... what were we talking about?
Siskel and Ebert gave this tagline two thumbs up.
Some have a way with with words, others... um... uh...
Still going!  Nothing outlasts Data!  He keeps going and going...
Suicidal egomaniac - I'm too sexy for this life....
Support Windows:  Show OS/2 to your friends!
Sure I know how to copy disks.  Where's the Xerox machine?
Sure, I use DoubleSpace.  In WordPerfect:  Shift-F8,1,6,2,ENTER,ENTER,ENTER.
The answers to the math test:  23, 87, 94, 68 - BINGO!!!
The only thing as good as your Crispy Crunch... is an O'Henry.
The only thing I don't like about taglines is that I never have enough room to
The universe is continuous and defined everywhere except the black holes.
The worst thing about incomplete sentences.
There's too much sex on TV.  People really should use the bed!!!!
These cookies don't taste anything like girl scouts!
This is a really stupid palindromemordnilap diputs yllaer a si sihT
This pre-recorded tagline is coming to you live from our on-location studio.
This tagline no verb.
To assume makes an ass out of YOU.  Leave ME out of this.
Tried to hang myself with bungee cord.  I kept almost-dying.
TSFTIORCA:  The Society For The Invention Of Really Complicated Acronyms
TURING == Totally Useless, Really Ignorant, No Good
Two's company, three's kinky.
Use MS-DOS, not Eunuchs.
Useless:  for example, this definition
Vanilla Ice to Bill Gates at Intel:  MICROSOFT WORD TO YOUR MOTHERBOARD!
Vote for George "Bush" or Michael "Do-Cock-Us"?  Is there another choice?
WelcomeToTheNextLevel.  SEGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What starts with F and ends with UCK?  FIRETRUCK!
When I was a fetus I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping.
Where there's a Will, there's a Riker...
Who are these Al G. Bra and Cal Q. Luss people I keep hearing about?
Who's better for furniture?   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY!!!!
WOM - Write only memory
Yeah, I've got a pool table, but it's all wet.  And no diving board.
Yesterday I got a ticket just for watching the movie SPEED!
You can't land an airplane on the ocean!  $%#@&*NO CARRIER
You put the whole project in jeopardy!  I wanted to be on Wheel of Fortune!
You're five?  Hell, when I was your age, I was six!
You're so stupid you can't read a Scrabble tile without moving your lips!
You're so stupid you could trip over a cordless phone!
You're so stupid you thought "quarterback" was a refund!
Your legs must be tired, 'cause you been running through my mind all night!
I bought an electronic organizer.  Now my electronics are very organized.
Looking in a mirror is like standing on the other side of it.
ERROR:  This disk is READ-protected
FORD:  You can press any key to continue, as long as it's ENTER
Segmentation fault:  message dumped
This message has been brought to you by the letters A, B, C, D, E...
Snap must have a UPS.  ("I Got The Power!")
What's with all these lost cities?  Lost Angeles, Lost Vegas...
"It appears, captain, that we have lost our sex appeal." - Tuvok
"Do not mistake composure for ease." - Tuvok
Philosophy without mathematics is like fire without water.
Science without philosophy is like economics without politics.
Eventually, we will have greater need for cache than for cash!
ERROR:  Out of cache.  Please upload $200 to continue.
I can see you just fine, Steve!  (BLINK)  Oh, hi Bob, it's you!
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." - Dr. Zimmerman
"[If] you forgot to set your clocks back, I'm Conan O'Brien" - Jay Leno
ESC from the ALT reality... CTRL your mind...  SHIFT to a new dimension...
"Friendly sort." - Tom Paris, after any First Contact with an alien race
If God wanted me to type, he would have given me 101 fingers.
He's a very trebled person?  On what do you bass that assumption?
MODULA:  Mystical, Obsolete, Dumb, Useless Lanugage, Absolutely
"I don't have a life.  I have a program." - Dr. Zimmerman
If knowledge is power, then the encyclopedia is a power plant.
You're so skinny I can see around you on both sides with one eye closed!
2-kilo mockingbird?  That's a helluva mockingbird!
Hyperboles are the best things in the world.
For an IQ test, call 1-900-IM-STUPID ...  only $1,000 per minute
Cathode Ray Tube?  What is that, some kind of alien weapon?
Command not found.  Damn, it was here a minute ago... hold on...
ATUARCAWP = A Totally Useless And Really Complicated Acronym Without Purpose
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!  Who is it?" - Will Smith [TFPOBA, First Episode]
"I gotta thank God, 'cause he gave me the chance to rock HARD." - LL Cool J
"You can't gain or maintain, unless you say my name." - LL Cool J
Sentences ending with prepositions are things up with which I will not put.
And, in other news, hell is starting to freeze over...
I got pulled over by the cops DURING my driving test!
"You're killing independant George!" - George Castanza
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things." - Elaine Benes
I'm so skinny I have to run around in the shower to get wet.
Our special guest speaker today... is a SONY subwoofer, 400 watts, 8 ohms
Voyager:  To boldly go where no one has gone before, and never come back.